Categorized | Humor

Technology Is Here - And It Sucks

Posted on 28 November 2007 by James

Occasionally it appears that civilization has arrived ahead of time. Time saving gimmicks often don’t and quick fix solutions oftentimes aren’t. The United States government expended hundreds of thousands of dollars formulating a pen that would write in space. The Russians employed a pencil. Recently I purchased a fancy leaf blower/vacuum for the terrace. Before long my mitts smelled similar to gasoline, I no longer can fit my automobile in the garage and the cat bears a permanent noise hang-up. Therefore I sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. $300.) and purchased a broom. It works fine.

The interior vacuum cleaner came with a hard floor attachment that demands a Massachusetts Institute of Technology mastermind to assemble. Whirlpools of fizz spewed forth like Niagra Falls, blending with the cat hairs, dust balls and splattered food. It required two hours to disassemble, clean it, and re-install it upon the garage ledge where it belongs. Then I placed a rag on a stick and tidied up in ten minutes. The flooring seems great and I get to use the rag again and again - free of charge.

One day my wife could not resist purchasing a food chopper for $29.95. The images depict heaps of colorful veggies sliced and available for cooking. Trying it out, an onion vanished into its hole, and was promptly reduced to a mass of nasty goo with a ragged ball in the center. Next, a potato, as if by magic, transformed into liquid accompanied by an apple entwined with unpalatable seeds and mutilated peel.

After one gash on a digit of each hand ( I vow I simply bumped the blade gently), I somehow got it into the unconventional box and returned it the same day. Keeping an eye on this debacle was my grandmother who snidely advised I use the paring knife she gave us twenty years ago. She was correct.

Have you ever succumb to the siren song of the seed catalogue and the images on the seed bundles at the store? Once you add up the price of seed, plant food, chicken wire fencing material, tools and bribe money to your children for weeding, the number is distributing. Then again, twelve gigantic tomatoes, ten green peppers, ten pounds of onions and a big bagful of green beans cost merely $30.00. I know you can’t buy time, but it certainly is easy to waste it.

One modernistic invention used by millions of folks is the computer printer. In five years the cost for a high-end printer has gone down from $400. To $60. What they don’t tell you that a week’s printing will consume the original ink cartridges. A new set will be over $90. Every week. It’s like purchasing a car for $10,000 and spending $15,000 a week on gas to get to work.

Every car owner is confronted each day by advertisements for magic scratch removers, fancy car wash formulas and brushes, wheel cleansers, and dash panel renewers. None of these products function as well as a pail of H2O with an ounce of dish soap and a rag. I own a heap of rags.

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6 Comments For This Post

  1. Joel Says:

    Hmmmmmm….
    I hadn’t really thought about it this way before. I may go take a sledgehammer to my printer.

  2. Bryan Says:

    Very wise… please do it now

  3. Alan Says:

    Hell yeah!
    If it’s not broke don’t fix it. Occams razor comes to mind - what’s the simplest solution. I remember when I first got a computer. Spent hours in Freehand and Pagemaker making this thing - suckered in by the sexiness of the new technology - and it was! Eventually gave up and only five minutes with paper glue and a photocopier got me a result.
    Don’t get me wrong I’m good with design software. In that particular case back then the glue paper and copier was the best solution - still is (for that thing) even now.
    Do a media comparison of print to screen. Books stand up for themselves really well. Super high resolution, random access, quick search (index), multimedia (texture, smell, images, diagrams, pop ups, sound - more… DIY.), power/battery independent, portable, long lasting, difficult to rip off, self contained - more… but I’m getting lazy. DIY.

  4. V Says:

    The Russians did not use pencils, the ends break off, the sharpenings float around, dust is formed and all the instruments get clogged up.
    DISASTER.
    They used normal ball-points; with a normal pressure level i.e. not outside the craft, they work fine.

  5. bubba Says:

    Nobody checks facts anymore
    http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp

  6. Tracy Says:

    LOL on the food chopper! Why do they always look so cool on TV? I know I’m dating myself, but does anybody remember Red Dot shoes? They had, of all things, a little red dot on the back of the heel. The TV commercials showed kids running around wearing them, presumably bouncing off trampolines. Of course you couldn’t see the trampoline. So it looked like they were leaping 10 feet! Course I HAD to have a pair and pestered my father to death until he relented. What a drag wondering why I couldn’t jump like the kids in the commercial!

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