Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports …
Dear Tiki, the weather here in Phoenix is wonderful. Too bad you retired last year. Don’t know if you heard or not but we made it to the Super Bowl this year without you. And without Shockey too. I know, crazy, isn’t it ??? Anyway, if you get a chance, say hi to Katie Couric or whoever it is you’re working with now. Hey, gotta go, man, team meeting in 5 minutes. Take care. Your pal, Eli. P.S. Coach Coughlin says wazzup too.
Bob Malcolm is a midfielder for Queens Park Rangers, an English Premiership football club. Bob Malcolm played a match for QPR against Plymouth in London one night about a month ago. Bob Malcolm’s team lost. At 6:30am the next morning, Bob Malcolm was found fast asleep in his car in the middle lane of the M1 highway in Tibshelf, a small Derbyshire County town. Upon awakening, Bob Malcolm confessed he thought he had pulled over to the side of the road. Bob Malcolm also failed a breath test and will now have to pay a fine and attend alcohol rehab. Bob Malcolm apologized for his poor judgment but made sure we all knew who was really at fault here … “I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before.” Bob Malcolm should now get used to seeing yellow cards being waved in his face. Lots of ‘em.
Whadda you say we stay in the UK … Liverpool and Manchester United, two of the most famous, most successful and most valuable English football teams, are owned by … gasp … some seriously rich American gents, Tom Hicks and the Glazer brothers. As you can guess, Lord Pip-Pip and Milady Cheerio are just a little brassed off having Yanks own their precious clubs. And so both teams’ fans are trying to raise the pounds to buy them back and toss the bloody Yanks back across the pond where they belong. Here’s what I think we should do though … First, let’s tax their stamps. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll tax their tea. And if they don’t want to pay the tax, they can just toss the tea in the harbor for all we care. That’ll teach ‘em not to mess with us owning them.
Dear TO, hope you’re enjoying your stay with the Cowboys. We’re sorry the arbitrator said you have to pay back the rest of your 2005 signing bonus. For your convenience, we accept Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express, cash, check or money order. If you decide to pay by check, please write on the memo line … “TO cost himself $2.49 million dollars by holding out against us.” Thank you and have a nice day. Sincerely, the Philadelphia Eagles.
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