Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports …

I think we may have finally figured out Bill Belichick.  He’s not human.  I believe he’s an Arkillian prince sent here to protect the galaxy on Orion’s belt and coach a little football on the side.  In fact, I bet if you tugged on Belichick’s ear lobe, his face would lift off and there’d be a little 3″ tall E.T. in there working the controls.  And I also think the coach is in cahoots with the Men In Black to keep his Patriots under control.  Anybody gets out of line and J and K are there to flashy-thing them right back into submission.  All we need now for proof is a couple of juicy National Enquirer articles like, say for example, if the star quarterback was dating a Brazilian supermodel.
 
You know, this is one time when I’m actually glad Vince Lombardi isn’t around to see what has happened to his game.  Seattle kicker Josh Brown will be wearing heated warm-up pants on the sidelines in Green Bay this weekend.  That’s right, no matter how cold it gets at Lambeau, batteries in Brown’s pants will keep his calves, thighs and hamstrings a toasty 75 degrees.  No truth to the rumor that Brown also brought his woobie to sleep with him in his hotel room or that he’ll have Seahawks staff keep a thermos of decaf, half-soy, no whip, double-shot caramel cappuccino under the bench in case he feels chilly.  And I’m really glad Seattle isn’t playing in Philadelphia this weekend cause Iggles fans would make sure poor Josh has all the extra batteries he needed and then some.
 
If you’re a Sports Illustrated subscriber, then you’re familiar with the magazine’s “Faces In The Crowd” section.  Each issue features half a dozen young and unknown athletes.  They’re mostly high schoolers who’ve set some new and obscure record like the longest javelin toss in Idaho girls track history or most goals in one soccer game by a left-footed sophomore.  But here’s the thing … There are never any ugly faces in “Faces In The Crowd”.  Never.  Every girl is button cute and every guy is the homecoming king.  I have no idea what this means but if you’re a young jock planning on hitting 53 home runs with one hand or a tennis player and you haven’t lost since you were 2, you better not have a crooked nose, buck teeth or a chin full of zits cause that ain’t the kind of face in the crowd SI is looking for.

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